Roadtrip Therapy

I just did a big road trip to Vegas and back. I took back roads and saw more of our great open country and was surprised by how much I had been missing. I grew up looking out a car window because my Dad was the kind to toss us in the car with some off the wall destination in mind. I've crossed several boarders in Europe at the wee hours of the morning only to see some air show at a castle, buy cheese at a festival, hike a mountain because it's there or find the oldest church with a brass relieve of a knight from the dark ages.

I haven't been out on the road like this last trip for a few years and I forgot how mentally cathartic it is to stare at the scenery or road and really dig into your own mind to get to know myself again. I had also had a tough and good conversation with my brother while out in Vegas so I had plenty to think about on the way home. On the way out it was a lot of "What the heck do I want to do with my life" type thoughts. Should I just get another job, should I buckle down on a project and see if I can sell it, could I sell everything and move out of the country. All of that and more wound around my brain while staring at an endless line of strips slipping through my lights while barreling down the interstate at 2:00am.

On the way back I swung through Zion, Bryce and Capital Reef National Parks over 3 days and was reminded of how small I really am in the world. We have a lot of amazing country out there and my brain was turned on to so many other options in this world and how I could fit into it.

On my final drive into town I got word that I was skipped over for an opportunity in Denver with a fairly new startup. After this road trip it doesn't matter and quite frankly it is probably for the best as I'm ready for something great to find it's way to me vs struggling to find a right fit somewhere.

Letting go

Man, I've been trying to let go of some things for years and it wasn't until I was in the position I'm in now that I have sluffed off a few things. One thing that I had held onto went all the way back to when I was just out of high school. That fell off in January after a friend helped me work through the mental hurdles that I had put in place. The past few weeks I've been getting rid of old paperwork and cleaning out the different spots in the house and when you can toss 4 boxes of crap out of your life it's easier to stand a little taller.

Letting go is physical and mental, I've got another book to read and have read other books in the past about cleansing, organizing and decluttering your life and I know that I mentally feel better when I physically get things out of a pile and either organized or gone. Our brains need the same exercise as well and it's been a difficult process for me to figure out what I need to do to mentally let some things go from my past so I can be a better me and stand a little taller. The harder part with the brain though is you are unable to drop your memories or fuck-ups at Goodwill or in the dumpster. You'll still remember and or know where that body is buried with the trick being to let go of the hold it has on you. Sure, if it's something you need to "apologize" for or say "thank you" then do that, part of letting go is saying or writing something down to get it out of your head.

Part of me letting go mentally is dropping a blog post about something I've had in my head for awhile so if you are reading this, thank you and I appreciate the free session.

Getting the water out

I saw this image recently and it struck a cord with me. The basic idea is there and being a boat owner I could relate to the metaphor pretty easily. The person who wrote this down forgot to mention that no matter what you do, water will get into your boat.

When water gets into your boat there are some pretty easy ways to get it out, bilge pump, bucket, water gun, etc. When what happens around you gets in and it will, you need a way to get it out. Everyone is different here so figuring out what your bilge pump is will help you get the crap out when it does get in. Ask yourself what it is that you do that helps you feel better after doing it. Assuming you are not Dexter and have emotions, those things that allow you to feel better are those things that can help you bilge the crap that gets in.

Different people recharge differently so knowing yourself is the best way to determine how to get the crap out, get together with friends, read a book, do some gardening and other things is your personal bilge pump.

Code for Good

As a developer, software, you always want to write good code. What is even better is when you can write code for good. Sure, you can write code to solve a problem, speed up a process, improve a users chance of getting the best deal on a new TV or you can write code that helps people do good things in the world. I've been fortunate enough to work for two non-profits in my past that helped people in Colorado. When you write code for good, you better still write good code, it feels different than when you are writing code for a company that benefits that company.

The feeling of doing good is a strong one and in many cases you are willing to make personal sacrifices, monetary, to work for a group that is giving back to the world. Personally, if I could work for an organization that does good I don't really care what the base infrastructure is. It's more about the work and who it benefits than the tools used.

If you can, if you want to, see if you can code for good on your next project.

Rabbit Holes

If you have a lot of little projects going on at once you may drop down a rabbit hole on one and forget to come back up for air. Right now I should be at the grocery store getting fixing for dinner tonight but I went down a hole for one of my projects and am now a little behind. Rabbit holes are not a bad thing and you just need to set yourself a time limit if you drop down one. I give myself only 15 minutes to write this blog and then I have to move on. If you give your rabbit hole a time limit then you can still be productive for the day and feel good about one of your projects.

Time limit you say, yes, time limit yourself and you can get more done than you think. A lot of people tend to work better under a deadline and a time boundary will help you stay focused and productive. Keep notes of where you were on a project, limit yourself to a set time and you can focus more effectively on each project.

Times up.

Think business, keep the heart on the side

I'm sorry, we've decided to take a different path and we will not be needing your help.
We felt that you were lacking depth in the areas of work we have at hand.

These are rejections from possible employers that I received in one day. It's also the leverage I'm using to slay the Dragon of Resistance in my life. I told myself that I'd take my personal business to the next level if I wasn't given an offer and here it is. While it hurts the heart to hear a rejection, I know that when I am running my business I'll need to make those same decisions if someone comes to my door for a job. Business can have a heart and good business is being able to listen to your heart and still make a business decision even if it is not popular.

When thinking for the business and or hearing news from a business you need to keep your heart on the side. And sometimes, knowing that there is still heart in a business will help make the difficult or hard decisions more palatable when delivered.

Advice vs Perspective

Looking over some notes I found a quote I heard a few weekends ago. I don't give advice, I give perspective. This is, of course, a quote from someone else and I wish I had that reference. If you know it please share.

I had to determine what this meant to me and how to change or update my methods of communicating before I understood the quote better. This is not a call to arms to just stop giving advice or to only hand out your perspective in a situation. There is always a balance and the challenge is finding what that is for each conversation. Your perspective is how you see a situation or conversation or event and it is only your view of what is happening. Your advice would be how to correct or fix or affect the situation or conversation, which in turn means a lack of active listening on my part. A good conversationalist will be able to mirror back your discussion so they fully understand your point of view. Giving a perspective is very similar in that you have to listen to the person talking or pay attention to the situation to be able to have a perspective. And, your perspective may be entirely wrong. 

Having a perspective has given me the ability to listen and observe, better than before and it helps me with my tendency to always want to fix or problem solve something. Having a perspective is also having good active listening skills and many times listening is what's important.

Sharpening the Axe

Everyone is different and everyone will find their own method of recharging. If you don't have a way to recharge, please start looking. A lot of what I've learned about myself as I grew up and am still growing is that if you listen to yourself you can figure out what you need to recharge. The Sharpening of the Axe, a story I heard over the weekend, illustrates how we can all be better, do more things, achieve greater goals and still do great things in the time we have.

I'm not sure if everyone has ever had to sharpen a knife, axe or sword recently so the metaphor may not play out for you. Introverted v Extroverted recovery. Meditation. Yoga. Running. Biking. Binge watching The Daily Show. One of these might resonate and if it does you may know how to recharge. I didn't mention work in that list because if you recharge at work I am unable to relate to that in this post. To work, heads down, no break, no interaction and constantly focused on a single goal is a very hard thing for the body to do. You breath, you blink, you shift in your seat; the body is not meant to be still for a full day at work and neither is your mind.

Each hour of each day, save when sleeping, you should Sharpen Your Axe by pulling back and realizing where you are, stretch a bit, stand up, take a walk, get a glass of water, etc. A few times a day you need to let your mind go somewhere other than work so that subconscious of yours can noodle over the problem you've been working on. Each week you need to get away completely for a bit. Don't look at your phone, answer emails, etc.

When you step away from work you are still working. You are working on you being a better self, partner, co-worker, friend and more. You need a sharper self to be a better self.